Poo on Feminism, Yay for Proverbs 31 (Part 1)

I have a job waiting for me in the fall teaching preschool part-time, and I am happy about this. Here is the rub, I am perfectly happy at the prospect of teaching preschool, but for some reason many people whom I look up seem to think it beneath me and can’t understand why I don’t want to work 40 hrs in the “real world” anymore.  Brian and I decided that when he graduates, which he did in May, I would be able to scale back from working 40 hrs a week and be able to spend some time at home being a good little wifey and eventually stay home full-time and raise our future children. (Finances permitting, of course)

As I’ve had this discussion with different people, I have become aware of just how pervasive feminism has become even in the minds of Christians. When I tell people that my desire is to spend some time at home simply taking care of my husband and running the household, I get the strangest looks.  Apparently it’s ok for women to stay home if they have children (and only until they go to school), but it’s unacceptable for a wife with no children to want to spend part of her week at home making it a great place for her husband to be.  This is my dream and my desire, to teach preschool and be able to run the household and take care of my husband. Feminism doesn’t think that this kind of behavior contributes to society enough, and sadly this type of thinking has leaked into the minds of Christians.

I’m sure I’m not the only woman who feels the pressure of having a certain type of job or status in order to feel like you are contributing to society. Can someone please tell me how teaching 2 year olds is NOT contributing to society?  Why shouldn’t the most well-educated, talented people be teaching 2 year olds? Do you want your toddlers to be taught by people with no education or experience?  If I never enter an elementary or high school classroom again, I will still maintain that my education and experience is not wasted.  How could teaching 2 year olds and building relationships with their parents be a waste of my time and talent? How could taking care of my husband and (someday) children be a waste of my time and talents?

Spending more time at home this summer has done wonders for my relationship with Brian.   I can also name 3 or 4 husbands whose wives have also had some time off this summer who will tell you the same thing. Their wives are not so stressed out and are completely happy staying at home and taking care of them.  Why are we so happy?? BECAUSE WE WERE MADE TO DO THIS!  We were made to nest and cook and clean and take care of our families, even if our family consists of only ourselves and our husbands. We also love to work outside the home and volunteer and be active in church and be busy, but what we really love is doing what God built us for.  “Aren’t you taking us back like, 400 years??” You ask. No, I’m taking us back to Proverbs 31 and daring you to actually read the whole chapter, not just the last 2 verses.  The Proverbs 31 woman is a beast. She is active in the community, she makes and sells things, she runs the household with precision….she is the Ultimate Woman that all the other wives want to be like. Nowhere does it say that her worth comes from her education or her status. Her worth comes from how she serves her family, and her drive to serve her family comes from her “fear of the Lord. Her relationship with her husband is awesome, because his “heart safely trusts her.”  I think any woman would honestly say that working a demanding job takes a certain toll on her relationship with her husband.  I personally despise paying that price in order to make a certain amount of money.

Here is what I am NOT saying. I am not saying that if you work outside the home then you are outside of God’s will. I’m not saying that every woman should be blissfully happy being at home and running the household. I am certainly very realistic about the day-to-day demands of running a home. I’m not saying that you are a bad mother if you do not stay at home with your children. I am saying that I desire a different life for my family then the one that is being constantly pushed on me by the ideals of feminism.

I’d really love to know what you think.  Obviously, making money and contributing to the family finances is a way to serve my family.  My own personal struggle may be different than yours. Working a full-time job has taken a tremendous toll on my health and my relationship with Brian. Is it worth the financial stability to have 3 migraines a week and be too exhausted or ill to take care of my family? Will God honor my desire to serve my family and provide the financial stability we desperately need right now?

P.S. I’m a little bit ill and delirious right now, hopefully I got my point across. I promise Part 2 will be written with a clear mind and calm stomach.

P.S.S If you are allergic to milk, you should probably ask the hostess if her deliciously yummy iced coffee punch has copious amounts of milk in it before you drink 3 cups of it.

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15 Comments

Filed under Bonnie chatters endlessly

15 responses to “Poo on Feminism, Yay for Proverbs 31 (Part 1)

  1. bottlecappie

    I’m wondering if Christian husbands worry so much about whether having a full-time job will cause their relationship with their wives to suffer. Or does all the emotional work belong to the wives in Christian relationships?

    For what it’s worth, I am a feminist and I advocate loudly for the right of women to chose to stay home with their families, if that is what they think is best for them. All of the feminist women I know feel the same way. We are just opposed to saying that women *should* stay home, because we’re all different. And we need different things in our lives at different times.

    Aren’t you glad that you have the *choices* that you have? That you can stay at home if you want to…but that there are jobs available to you if you want one? That you could persue and education if you wanted it? Feminism opened up these spaces for women. I’m surely greatful for that, especially after watching my own mother’s spirit withter from being trapped in a loveless marriage with five kids and no education. Feminism was about that, about setting women free from the unfair rules of our culture. That’s all.

  2. Amanda Badgett

    I think that it’s perfectly fine to give opinions about differing views, etc., and to even stand strong with what we think. What I DON’T think is ok is when we feel like we have to “shoot down” other peoples views, so that our ideas can come out on top and we are, once again, “right.” I don’t think that God wanted His church to be so concerned about being right and getting OUR point across, that we miss how we treat others. What trips me up the most about this blog is the evident disrespect for others. So, say a feminist reads this blog (and one obviously did), have you now ruined your chances for building a meaningful relationship with that woman because you so flippantly and almost ignorantly said “Poo on feminism.” Remember, the feminist was made in the same image that you were. And if Jesus were still on this earth today, I wonder if “Poo on feminism” would be a phrase we’d hear Him say.

  3. Apryl

    My dear sister, I am continually amazed at your ability to communicate truths in a way that is understandable and thought provoking without being harsh or degrading to others. You speak Biblical truth even when it may be unpopular to do so and I am encouraged by that.

  4. ravnistic

    You guys have given me much to think about, thank you for your comments. I’m going to think about it awhile and hopefully have a good reply soon.

    Bonnie

  5. Amanda Badgett

    I promise..I’ll be done soon 😉

    -Bons..first, thank you for your response – it was done quite nicely.

    ~ When we think of feminism, I think some people think of that picture of the woman in the doo-rag flexing her ridiculously muscular arm with “WE CAN DO IT” written across the bottom. And sure, that could be the approach that some take, but for many it’s just the mentality that the first responder portrayed. I mean, buff arms are cool and all..I just think it’s important to note that feminism is attached to a stigma – and as Christians, we know all about stigmas.

    ~ I don’t think the Bible says we were made to nest, cook, clean, and the rest. You say you believe that women were made to do this, yet you write later on that it’s not for everyone. Wouldn’t it be the same for all, regardless of preference?
    This why I wanted to point out a few things that I’ve been thinking about.
    Proverbs 31:16: ” she considers a field, and buys it” – she oversees the business, is in charge of servants, etc. I think a big point of this chapter is the mentality of the woman. She is willing to do what’s necessary with her family, household, with others (giving to the poor), is physically and emotionally healthy (maybe she is like doo-rag woman after all), makes her clothes (and sells some), isn’t lazy, thinks before she speaks, and much more.
    I think that maybe a great deal of it is about balance. A husband and wife both need to do what is necessary to cultivate and maintain a healthy relationship and household. If his or her activities outside the home (such as a job) lead to stress and conflict, or simply a lack of intimacy at home because things aren’t getting done at the level they need to be for whatever reason…then alternatives need to be considered.
    So, if you and Brian decide that you can and want to stay home – then DO it.
    Bloom where you are planted – and God will be honored.

  6. Anson Jones

    yo yo yo… i rarely give my opinion on blogs… i really hate blogs, i think opinions are highly overrated haha. But what the heck i contradict myself all of the time so why not comment on something that i hate ( i will probably write my own blog soon and totally contradict my hatred for them, that is just who i am… i try to be different, i promise). i agree with the idea of investing in your family and i understand where you come from, i want my kids to be raised by both a Godly mother AND father. I think the idea of attacking feminism is right in some ways and wrong in some ways. You are right in the sense that, yes, there is a role for a man and woman in a relationship, and they are God given roles. However, the way that men throughout centuries have abused these roles ignited sparks and some of these sparks lead to the emerging of feminism. Now feminism can be good or it can be bad. It can be bad in the sense that woman neglect their God given role in a marriage or in life in general. But consider this… feminism also, as was pointed out above, emerged to allow women to have rights to do and say things that were not allowed to them in a previous time. I mean think about it, if it was not for some crazy feminist you would not be able to vote, even have a decent job and education or even write your opinion on blogs like these.

    Bonnie you are right, and i love you by the way, marriage is the case of “different strokes for different folks”, if it works for you that your family has balance when one stays at home and the other works, then do it and give all the glory to God in your marriage. But as it is true in your circumstance, it also true the situation of others. I know plenty of couples that are married and both work and they have an awesome relationship, cuz to be quite honest they would probably kill each other if the wife had to spend one more minute stuck in the house haha. I think the reason why you are finding alot of opposition is because sometimes the wife stays at home and the father works and it is one of the worst family situations you have ever seen. My mother was a stay at home mom and i love her for that, but i would like to think where my parents would be as loving couple and parents, if my mom had worked and there was more balance in the relationship between them. AND between them in dealing with me and my sister. In some cases when you have a stay at home mom type of family, the father is very detached from the upbringing of his children, because he assumes that that is apart of the wife’s duties. So there is a possibility of good and bad for both a stay at home mom type family and one that is not. I mean to be fair we have seen our fair share of families who have both parents working and neither one of the parents are invested in their child. So it’s all about balance and love in whatever way you can find it.

    So it’s not that it think you are wrong, but please, and i say this in love, think about this… Don’t express your opinion because it’s just another soapbox to get on. Paul said “And though i have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though i have all faith, but have not love, i am nothing.” (1st Corinthians 13:2) The reason i hate blogs is because it’s a place to freely express your opinion at THAT moment, and i emphasize “at THAT moment”, and to be quite honest, it’s not always the best thing. Because people tend to look past the love and compassion of others to make their opinion be known, whether they have truth or not, and yours has truth to be fair. But honestly who are we encouraging, or are we harming more than nurturing? As said before i love both you and brian, but the one thing that i do not like about your blogs is the fact that at times, not all of the time, but simply at times, they are a bash on someone else’s opinion. Are we here to argue points? Is the internet here to let us have one big History of Ideas debate haha? In some cases yes, but the thing that i am trying to say with this is that sometimes it’s not. The dangerous thing about blogs is that sometimes you (people in general) blog about things that, if it is a real issue needs to be dealt with one on one (which i acknowledge i am hypocritically doing right now) to the person , or people that it pertains to. All i am requesting is that before we go and blog something so that everyone can share their opinions, is first ask yourself “is this uplifting to the body of Christ? and how? or is this just my opinion and i want to get it off my chest?” Bonnie i have been there, i want so many times to write on how much i think southeastern is in many ways the worst example of 1st Corinthians 13:2, but i shut up. Most likely because i just let myself calm down and forgot about it, which is probably God granting me grace to not look like a complete ass. But God did give us these resources, and there are ways to use it for His glory. And like i said, i am not saying that this is not going to be used for His glory, there could be someone that reads this and is encouraged, but i am saying just be careful, cuz it is a fine line sometimes between encouraging someone and just debating your point as a desire to have the whole world see your opinion.

    I love you in Christ
    Anson

  7. Brian Horton

    For the record, people share their opinions because they think they are right. Whether they are or not is open for the free discussion of relevant ideas. Even if your opinion is that others shouldn’t share their opinions. You’re still sharing your opinion.

    Anson, my wife gives more thought to what she says than the time it takes to go from her brain to her fingers. You know Bonnie better than that.

  8. Jason

    say something bonnie! yerrrrrrs!
    btw, I want a proverbs 31 woman…know any?

  9. Bonnie

    When in doubt, I just think “What would Dr. Carson say?”
    And yes, I do know some…

  10. anson— if marriage is “different strokes for different folks” why cant gay people get married??

  11. Bonnie

    Thanks Mal, now let’s get REALLY controversial!!
    (You thought you could spell your name backwards and fool me, fool?)

  12. hahaha thats not my name backwards its “mal the gal”

  13. Bonnie

    No no I meant your myspace page. Sheesh. I’m done with this internet thing.

    Seeing your name makes me want to listen to NSync and dance like a fool. Let’s just all do that. Right now.

  14. Anson jones

    hahaha wow… the different strokes for different folks was not meant to go THAT far. Good Lord, i need to learn to express myself better when i frustrated… My point is that for some this whole thing works and for some it doesn’t. I am a firm believer in marriage being a covenant relationship between one man and one woman.

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