Yes America, I am a shoplifter. Perhaps shoplifter is too strong a word…perhaps we shall dub me “Amazing shopper who finds good deals and practically steals two bags of groceries for a ridiculously low price.”
Seriously, when I walked out of Kroger today, I thought someone would call the cops and haul me back in there to explain how in the world I managed to pilfer all that food. Pilfer I did, but I paid honest money from my amazing Silver and Green Fossil Wallet that my sweet baby boy angel brother gave to me for my birthday. I have managed to avoid those pesky “list” blog entries in hopes that I would not fall into the trap of “This is what I did today” humdrum and make my readers want to burn out their eyes with hot pokers.
(This applies to Facebook status as well, if you are one of those people, then I’m sorry to say that I make fun of you. Actually, I’m making fun of you right now)
But, because I have great affection for shoplifting great deals at the grocery store, I will break my “no lists” rule and now list my purchases in hopes that you will experience the same joy that I did when I Robin Hooded Kroger. If you are not excited by this, then I’m pretty sure you are a momma’s boy and you don’t buy your own groceries. For the rest of us adults that live in the real world and pay our own way, you know how this feels, so here it is:
One bag of salad .99
One pineapple 2.99
One bag of organic blue corn chips 2.19
One small container of Hazelnut Biscotti creamer ::drool:: 1.79
Four avocados .52
One bunch of bananas .52
One red onion 1.19
Two yams .71
Thank you, thank you.
Next time on BOLOTIHGAF, #3 “Quotation Marks”