If you watch the news, or listen to talk radio obsessively like I do, then you know that there is a monstrous “stimulus” bill that President Obama is trying to pass through the Senate. It’s something like oh….819 BILLION dollars. You will all be stoked to discover that part of the money that is supposed to stimulate the American economy is actually going to fund abortions in other countries. In a show of good money management skills, there is lots and lots of random spending on random things, all in the name of “stimulating the economy.” On the surface, they claim to use the money to create new jobs, and this guy can tell you why that is not going to happen. This whole thing has made me take a closer look at economics and actually learn something, but I don’t know a whole lot, so I’m going to revert to some silliness instead.
I submit to you my OWN stimulus package for your consideration:
Bonnie’s Stimulus Package
- $1200 for Dairy-Free chocolate chips. Have you any idea how much those things cost? I need them, because it is cruel and intolerant to expect me to abstain from chocolate chip cookies in order to stay within my own budget. Cruel.
- $125 for a new Doggie Bed for Lucy. Sure, she has a $5.99 bed that I bought at Ross, but I’m pretty sure it’s out of style now and I’m also pretty sure she peed on it.
- $400 for marriage counseling. I am embroiled in a constant battle for attention among myself, Lucy, and the XBox360. We need mediation. We need help. Self-control you say? Whatever. Fruit of the Spirit? Nah. Gentle and Quiet Spirit? What?
- $5,000 for new clothes. That’s the amount they get on “What Not to Wear” and I won’t stand for anything less.
- $50,000 for a new car. I need more room to store all my trash.
- $300 for a Slide that goes from my third-floor balcony right down to my car. This would shave 2.5 minutes off my morning routine, and add a little fun to start the day. Perhaps some packing peanuts or something to soften the landing.
- $10,000 for a 3-story library with the complete works of C.S. Lewis, Jane Austen, Lloyd Alexander, T.S. Eliot, and anything else written by British people before 1975. I will of course require several rolling ladders from which I can sing Broadway and Disney showtunes.
- $$$$$$ for the best digital SLR camera money can buy.
This is the way I see it. You give me this package, and I will hire people to build giant slides and 3-story libraries with rolling singworthy ladders. Give me this money, and I will buy out Banana Republic and Fossil. Give me this money, and Lucy can have an even more expensive doggie bed to pee on. I don’t see how this could not stimulate the economy and my level of happiness. Hey, President Obama, give me some money!!!!!!!
What would you add to my stimulus package?